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Title: Help In Identifying Teens Who Are In Abusive Dating
Relationships
Author: Connie Limon
Word Count: 798
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Do you suspect your teen is in an abusive dating relationship?
Some teens feel that having a boyfriend or girlfriend proves
their own worth. They may feel so strongly about having a
relationship that a bad relationship is better than no
relationship at all. Teens are also highly susceptible to a
general and common belief that not having a romantic
relationship means there is something wrong mentally,
emotionally or physically. Boys and girls can share these same
feelings. It is not only girls at risk.
Positive role models in healthy relationships are important for
teens to learn the necessary skills in dating relationships.
Without positive role models teens may not realize their
behaviors in dating relationships are abusive or that they are
in an abusive dating relationship. If mom endured pain with dad,
this type of scenario can be passed onto teens in their
relationships. If dad hit, slapped or yelled at mom, then
Charlie will be more likely to slap, hit yell or demean his
girlfriend, Suzy. The same goes the other way around, if mom
makes all the decisions, and rules the roost so to speak, or
decides she can go where she pleases while dad sits home and
babysits, then Suzy is more likely to behave much the same in
her relationships. Abuse wears many hats and appears in many
different faces. Abuse can be subtle or very obvious resulting
in broken bones, bruises and even death.
When talking to teens, focus on what healthy relationships are.
Partners should respect each other's opinions, decisions and
personal privacy. When decisions and choices are to be made both
partners should be able to express feelings, desires and wants.
It is never healthy for one person to have a great amount of
control over another person. Each person needs space for
personal and separate identities. No one should have to give up
their individuality to be part of a couple. Each partner needs
separate time and space to pursue independent activities and
engage in other friendships. Healthy relationships have strong
foundations of trust and honesty.
Discuss with your teen the reality that a true caring partner
is concerned about the well-being of the other partner and wants
what is best for that person. A caring partner is able to share
joy about the success of the other partner instead of expressing
jealousy. A true caring partner will be of support in times of
trouble. Define healthy relationships to your teens as being a
place where both partners feel safe emotionally and physically.
If you observe teens exhibiting behavior other than mutual
respect in dating relationships give them the opportunity to
talk about appropriate behavior toward significant others. Any
indication of situations escalating into abuse or dating
violence should quickly be reported to agencies that can help.
Review some of the tips below to help you build a strong and
trusting relationship with teens:
• Always respect your teen. Avoid ridicule or humiliation. If
you have more than one teen, avoid playing favorites between
them. If you want cooperation, never allow a teen to perceive
you do not like him or her.
• It is rude to talk about other people, whether it is family
members, a friend, enemies or what have you. Be a role model in
showing respect to other adults and everyone.
• In dealing with teens, be sure roles are well established and
that it is clear you are the adult.
• Don't pretend to be a teen yourself and just hanging out with
other teens. Teens will see right through a pretense. They
respect adults who act like adults, and they actually need this
more from an adult than one who tries to be just one of the
gang.
• If you tell a teen you will do something, by all means keep
your word. They in turn will learn to keep their word with you
and others. This is setting an example of "strong character."
Teens need to know they can depend on you in whatever
circumstances they face.
• Be patient when trying to build a trusting relationship with
a teen. Allow them to bond with you at their own pace.
• Take time to genuinely listen to a teen's concerns and
dreams. Develop skills that will help teens to solve their own
problems and avoid telling what you think they should do in any
given situation.
• Let your teen know you believe in him or her and in their own
personal abilities. They will learn to believe in themselves and
develop a strong self confidence within themselves.
This article is FREE to publish with the resource box.
About The Author: Connie Limon. Visit us at
http://smalldogs2.
FREE reprint articles all about dating.
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